Its Been a While But I need to VENT


First I have to apologize for not writing very much lately. I looked back and noticed that soon after I had my rib & kidney removed my posts dwindled off. While I feel bad I also feel a huge sense or relief. I think my lack of posts demonstrates my huge strides in both physical and mental health.

Things have gotten so much better for me. Sitting here writing I have tears in my eyes thinking of all the painful years I spent battling my beast. The sleepless nights, the tortured days....I was never truly honest with those who loved me about how difficult my battle with cancer was. But now I can honestly say I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At night I do what most people do, sleep. When I go to the bathroom I am not pulling my hair out because the pain is so bad. I'm not secretly throwing up in the bathroom because my stomach hurts so badly. And I am no longer ashamed that I can't remember something that happened just moments before.

Yes I am still scared that a PET scan will come back with bad news. I still dread my doctor visits and the possibility I will hear the the cancer is coming back. Im also aware that until my 5 years (3 years from now) I am not cancer free, not a true survivor. But for now I am so much healthier than I ever imagined I would be.

While my health is doing better I have had some difficult battles these past few weeks. As many of you know I started a non profit organization called Spirit Jump. I did this because when I was fighting my battle cards & gifts that arrived in the mail truly lifted my spirits. I wanted to share this experience with the others out there who, like me, are faced with battling cancer. At first Spirit Jump was immensely rewarding and I knew I was doing the right thing. It wasn't easy for me to put aside my lawyer career but I felt that I needed to give back to all those who were still in the darkest place I have ever been in my life. Leaving them behind, shutting my eyes to their battle just wasn't an option.

However, there have also been some negative aspects to my charity work. Because of the success of Spirit Jump our numbers have grown and others have been taking advantage of my kindness & sincerity. This charity is so important to me as it is about what I went through and how my spirits were lifted when I was sick. Unfortunately I think this makes me an easy target. I am learning how to be stronger and more of a "business woman". I am an intelligent, professional and good honest woman. I surround myself with good honest people who want to see me and my vision for Spirit Jump succeed. Spirit Jump is now a real organization and not just a dream. We are a team made of Professionals, Marketing Technology, Nonprofit advisers, Attorneys and Business owners. Those who make up Spirit Jump protect me by stepping in to deal with people/situations that are merely political and do not advance our mission in anyway. I have been extremely disappointed and hurt by those who do not trust that I am handling many difficult situations with the utmost care and integrity.

I am angry and hurt that I am working 12 hours a day 7 days a week and still it is not enough for many. I am angry that I have been attacked as a person by people who are not interested in helping people with cancer. These people want fame & attention and have used me as a way to achieve this. BUT I will not let them bring me or Spirit Jump down. I will rise above this and continue to help the MANY men, women and children who are battling for their lives.

I thank you all to my friends & followers who have supported me and loved me through my battle. I hope you continue to do so and I promise I will be updating this blog more often.

38 comments:

Em said...

Oh gosh Meaghan - so happy to find that your health is well. So sad to hear that there are struggles with unkind people.

Why are there always unkind people?

Know that even though I don't comment as much as I would like to, I'm still following your story and work.

Thanks for ALL that you do - E

AngiDe- Nana's Box said...

Man, I am so sad to hear that there are people out there who want to take advantage of someone who is doing so much good in the world. Keep your head up and continue to surround yourself with people who will look out for you and for Spirit Jump.

Glad to hear that you are doing well health wise! It's been awhile... so I'm happy to hear you are well. Have a fabulous weekend!

XO

Gene-Manuel said...

Your work with Spirit Jump could not be more honest and beautiful. Keep you head up high and continue to the work you do. Focus on that goodness and all else will fade away. All best ~ Gene-Manuel

Somewhere In Between said...

I'm so happy for you that your health is getting better and that you no longer suffer as horribly as you once did.

Congratulations on Spirit Jump. You've seen this through from vision to true organization, and no person can discount the amazing strides you've made as a person, a survivor, and a real inspiration to others fighting, and those who wish to help those fighting. Don't let any of it get you down!!

Joni said...

Meaghan, I too don't respond often, but I check in often for updates. So happy to hear that you are feeling better and FINALLY able to make it through the night with some peace and comfort. OThers who haven't been there will never understand the difficulties, associated with the issues, brought up by cancer.

Keep up the awsome work on SJ!! I haven't had much time to get involved myself, but I hope to get there soon.

And please don't let others being you down, for every kind soul there are 10 to take it down. You are a strong women and I know you can overcome!!

Lisa Ricci said...

Meaghan, You are a soul full of giving. Since you posted the web page for fans I have seen many linking their sites. Yes it is sharing, but confused of some of them. Promoting their own. I am glad to be able to do the little I can to help Sprit Jump. It is a worthy!!! organization. So happy to see your smiling face looking perky. Please keep your advisors close. So sorry for the henchmen, if I can help, Ever! Please call on me.

Kara said...

I am so happy to hear that your health is much better, but sickend to hear that people are actually giving you a hard time, and questioning your generosity to help others.

I have been a member of Spirit Jump for a couple (few?) months now, and have felt complete joy knowing that I am helping to lift the spirits of those that are in need. I take pride in sending cards and gifts to these men, women, and children that need an smile in their dark days.

Keep your chin up, and continue to rise above the negativity. You have many, many supporters that will help you see this amazing organization through.

Dana Marie said...

(((((Meaghan)))))

What you've created is bigger than any unkind thing someone can do or say, remember that!

Michelle said...

Hey Meaghan,
what the heck is going on? It's not clear to me who's upsetting you. How are people taking advantage? I thought Spirit Jump was doing extremely well.
Keep your head up. This too shall pass,
Michelle

Manic Mother said...

Kudos to you, and piss on the small people!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better.

Your vision to help people is a beautiful thing. As hard as it is, please don’t let toxic people pull you down. They live in negativity. You are the complete opposite. You are truly impacting lives in a positive way. Keep strong.

Mary Ann

Jodi R/turdl38 said...

We all have hard days. I hope it's worth it. Thank you for what you do. I've kind of only seen it indirectly thus far, but I know it does make a huge difference to some people. Best wishes for continued success

Jody said...

Meaghan,
Your health is well and you have established a beautiful organization. These two and the love that makes everything possible, is all that's important. The petty stuff will fall away. Take care of yourself,
Jody

LBEHLKE said...

I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better! I hope and pray that your scans will stay clear and that your health will stay strong! I hope that the mean people that have been taking advantage of you or just not being considerate never have to battle through cancer themselves.
And last but not least Thank you for all that you do!!!

Obsessedwithlife said...

I'm sorry to hear about that but it's good to hear from you...It stinks how there are good people and those with their own agendas-I've definitely learned that through my experiences...It's good to have supportive people around to watch out and help you!

By the way, in my mind at least, you are already a survivor :).

Rach

Rocksee said...

wow. I don't know what to say.

I am so so sorry that this is happening.

Ladybug said...

Meaghan you are an inspiration and blessing to so many people out there. Do not let others get you down. You know you are doing the right thing and helping others through their dark days. I love you!

Melanie Magilton said...

Hey Meaghan... Just read your post...  As everyone else said, I'm so happy for you that your health has been improving & you are on the mend.

As for the rest... So sorry you have to go thru it & so sorry crap like that has to rear it's ugly head. I've worked for a couple nonprofits (I used to teach Therapeutic Horseback Riding) and I understand some (tho of course not all!) of the things you're facing. There always seem to be a few bad apples in the bunch & BOY do they suck. LOL. And it makes it all the more difficult because you're just trying your hardest to do something GOOD. (ps...I also understand the 12 hour days/7 days a week...MAJOR suckage!! LOL) Plus in your case a lot of the work is online & it's funny how peoples values change when they can be somewhat anonymous & not face to face. 
Anyway...hang in there... You ARE doing good...keep it up & remember we are here to support you!!!

-Mel-

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

Wow. Who are these people and why would they do such a thing? Do I need to sit on them....cuz' I will.

Just say the word sister...

ShakenFruit said...

Force. Of. Nature.

Don't ever forget that's what you are.

I'll sit on them with Kelly and fart at the same time.

SoCalWendie said...

From reading the comments, it seems you have "Awakened the sleeping dragon" no one gets away with messing with our Meaghan. You have an army at your disposal sweetie and we are here to jump spirit and defend the people that started this wonderful organization. So from me anyway, I will be wishing diarreha on people who are mean to you. Who's with me? heehee

Grand Pooba said...

"after I had my rib & kidney removed"

Nuff said right there for not posting more often! Geez girl!

Yo is Me said...

i hope you get more from what you do than the detractors might take from you. you're doing wonderful things. WONDERFUL things.

so glad you're sleeping, that you're enjoying life :D

poo on the meanies.

Lindsay said...

Meaghan, you are awesome. The amazing cards and homemade gifts I received through Spirit Jump this winter definitely brightened my day. So you have definitely helped me. My email is lin_z1187@yahoo.com...I'm interested in sending something to someone else to pass the hope along.


I'm sorry you have had to deal with bad people...I've been there too, sometimes even cancer doesn't phase a selfish person.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I am absolutely shocked that someone would use a charity and turn it into something negative. I'm so sorry this happened, and I hope you are able to move past it and continue your amazing work. Spirit Jump is a wonderful organization and I am SO proud to be a part of it! And you are just incredible!! xoxo

Kori said...

Just came over from DysFunctuional Mom. People can be unbelievable. I have read your story often and I think you are one of the most amazing people. You are doing wonderful things with Spirit Jump I have seen it all over the place. I'm sure all the good heavily outweighs the negativity of these people. Take care Meaghan.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

New to your site - hopped over from somewhere else. Can't believe that people are taking advantage of what sounds like an amazing organization. I will be back to read more about your story when I have time.

For now, know that there will ALWAYS be jackasses in the world who attempt to ruin what good there is. Do NOT let them win. EVER.

I have been fundraising in honor of my Dad receiving a new heart and although I haven't had a lot of negative feedback, a few have questioned my motives. I say, they suck, and until they walk in my shoes, they have no right to judge.

My Dad is alive because a 19 year olds family choice to give the greatest gift they will ever give....that's why I'm fundraising.

How can anyone question that?

Hallie

Gena said...

Glad to hear that your road is a little less rocky. I pray that the cancer never returns. You know, it's okay to share or even ask for help for yourself if you need it. We are all family now and it's because of you. Did you ever imagine such a small act of kindness could grow into this? And you're just getting started. The simplest of acts that makes the biggest of differences.

I remember watching my Grandma Bonnie suffer this horrible disease. I cannot imagine how she was able to endure it. She lost her battle in 2002, but she is so missed. I love her so much. I wish she had been a part of Spirit Jump, although her spirits were always up. She never gave up.

I know I have told you numerous times, but I am so proud of this organization and all the hard work you have put into it and, even more than that, that I can be a part of it. I have such limited funds but love to give back. With Spirit Jump, I can do that.

As for the others, people cannot stand for others to be happy and successful. Do they not see your personal sacrifices and what lead you here? I pray God gives you guidance so as to not be taken advantage of or mistreated.

Lastly, "Thank YOU".

Mandy said...

I do hope that you know how inspiring and uplifting your efforts with Spirit Jump are! I entered my Mom as someone needing her spirit jumped while she battles breast cancer...I'm in NC and she's in CO. I was able to visit her a couple of weeks ago. She realized that she had forgotten to tell me about all the amazing things she had been receiving in the mail...from complete strangers! She showed me some of the most heart felt cards, and letters, precious hand made gifts, thoughtful trinkets and collectables...things that would bring tears to anyone's eyes. What wonderful acts of kindness given from people that didn't even know her! I know that it touched her deeply and lifted her spirits more than she can put into words.....so THANK YOU!!! And Thank you to all the wonderful giving Spirit Jumpers out there!!

Dee said...

We are here to support you M.

There will always be negative users in the world. How we respond to them or don't is what matters. Don't let them get you down.

Hey I just realized you are a lawyer, but I am fairly new here.

Will keep checking back.

The Redhead Riter said...

Stopping by from SITS to say HI!

Your story has touched me and I am so glad that you look so beautiful in the pic and so happy. Cancer is my fear. Ignore the unkind people. I admire you, your fight with a horrible disease, and your desire to help others.

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Great Blog! I added you to my blogroll, Cancer Blog Links at www.beingcancer.net
Take care, Dennis

Kimberly said...

I'm so glad you are doing better, what an amazing woman you are! I'm off to check out Spirit Jump!

@tavdb said...

I think Mother Theresa's prayer says it best:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Benjamin Rubenstein said...

Five years is an arbitrary figure; a survivor is a survivor.

Laura Berko said...

You're amazing and what you're doing is amazing-forget those people who don't care to help people with cancer, their time will come when either they or someone they love will be battleing it and they will completely regret it. That's why people get cancer, the way we live, the way society is, it's so unfortunate, but all these ppl care about is money. Soon, our lifestyles and atmosphere will make everyone sick, and I believe something has to be done about this. I lost my dad to cancer, in 8 short months after he was diagnosed. To think people don't care about people going through this is horrible, it actually brings tears to my eyes. There will always be uncaring people in the world but remember who you are doing this for! Your story is very inspiring. Best of luck in everything and I will continue to follow and help when I can.

Dianita said...

Hi! My name is Dianna Lopez and i am 28 years onld. I just had to stop and tell you that your posts have truly touched my heart. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer in August of 08. I had a mass in my right thyroid gland and and they didn't actually know it was cancer until they analyzed it after they took it out. So two weeks after the surgery I had another one but this time removing the rest of my thyroid. I had the Radioactice Iodine therapy that november and i am now clear of cancer. (hopefully forever) But i know how it feels to hear those ugly words "you have cancer." With me everything happened so fast that i don't think my mind had the time to process what was happening. I ended up supressing it and now am dealing with my own issues. I am afraid of it coming back and and getting so tired of ALL the docotors appointments. Reading your blog helps me connect with something in this world i understand. (not fully but at least now I know I am not the only one who has felt this.) I am somewhat lost in my own thought at the moment so sorry if this doesn't make sense. But thank you for writing about your experience. It helps me to know I am not alone in a dark place.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon your post and after I read it, I had to say that you are amazing. I wish I had the strength like you obviously do. Thank you for being an inspiration. You keep doing what you're doing girl! :D Hugs!