Here I am two years out from being diagnosed with cervical cancer and I'm alive and well. This is a hard time of year for me as everything reminds me of being sick. I think a lot about where I was and what I was doing, or what was being done to me, two years ago right now. But, what I should be doing is thinking about what I have done and accomplished in these past two years.
I went back to and finished law school. Amazing, if I do say so myself. While I was doing it I tried not to think about it too much, just kept pushing forward. I say this because I want to be honest about how I did it and let you all know you can do it too. There is nothing "amazing" about me individually but there is something amazing inside us all. You have what it takes no matter how scared you are or unsure, its there. I was scared, unsure, angry, sick etc....but I wouldn't let any of that get in my way, I was going to live a normal life and be all the things I wanted before cancer.
I just took the Florida Bar. This was more scary than anything else. It called for lots of work, long hours, being able to remember lots of information and perform under extreme stress. This was my personal nemesis. Having had chemo, radiation and general anesthesia(every 3 months) I wasn't sure if it was possible for me to do all those things. Let me stress that I am not saying the bar intimidated me because it was the bar, it was because of what changes have happened "to" me. BUT, I did it and if you want to you can too. I thought cancer would "handicap" me but it did just the opposite, it gave me strength, courage and fight! I tackled that bar just like I tackled cancer and no matter the outcome I made it through. Its an honor just to say I took the bar and if I pass, well thats just a bonus.
I am preparing for a pretty important surgery. The day after my 31 birthday I will be having surgery, March 30 for those of you who don't know my birthday. This surgery they will be taking out my stents. I was told, not long ago, that this was never going to be possible. Let me point out that there is no guarantee that this will work. To be honest I am pretty scared. As some of you may know I had a surgery last year where they took out only 1 stent. As a result I got very sick for about 8 months, so needless to say im pretty scared. If this works it will improve my life so much! If it doesn't then we are going to start working on having my kidney removed. I'm hopefull because I need to start living a "normal" life. I want to be able to go for a run, not be super tired all the time and not have to plan my life around constant surgeries. I'm ready for this.
So these are the things that I have been doing, me a cancer survivor. I often wondered, as I laid my a hospital bed, what would my life be like after the cancer. Well now I know and its a good life. Cancer has changed me in many ways but in just as many ways I am the same woman with the same dreams, fears and joys. You will get your life back, trust me!
Posted by Meaghan on Friday, March 06, 2009