The one thing that gave me anxiety, stress and fear was the effect my death would have on those I loved. Before this experience I would sometimes wonder if people would be sad if I died, would they cry, how many people would show up at my funeral.
This is a thought that I think many people have had at one point in their lives. When I was told I had an 80% chance of not living I thought about my funeral in a very different way. Would I destroy my loved ones lives, would they cry every time they thought of me, would my friend and family have trouble sleeping, cry a lot, become depressed, have trouble at work & in their relationships? These thoughts scared me more than death. I wanted people to smile when they remembered me, laugh at the fun things we use to do together, excel at work because they would think of my determination. But, I knew that was unlikely.
So, I picked Last Tears as the song I would want played at my funeral if I was to die. I wanted everyone to know that I was okay with my death, that I was strong and they needed to be as well. Something about this song really represented how I felt. The strange this was I LOVE the Indigo Girls but had never heard this song before. To be honest I can't say how I came across it but when I did it was like they wrote the song for me, for this trial in my life!
Please listen and let me know what you think!
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19 comments:
That is an awesome song. My husband passed away 13 years ago from cancer. No one can understand that whole journey unless they have lived it. I only know from my perspective, but I admire you and the things you share on your blog. You are an amazing, strong, beautiful young lady!!!
Meaghan!
I totally know what you mean about being at peace with death. I felt exactly the same.
I'm sorry to hear that you are terrified of it again.
I never thought of a song for my funeral, but I would talk a lot about a future without me in it. It didn't bother me, but I know it bothered others.
It's funny before my cancer experience, I was one of those woman who could NOT contemplate my husband loving another woman. Now, I tell him, don't be alone, find someone for the boys, just make sure she loves them.
I have a list of women he can't marry, everyone else is open game!
I'm really ok with it...still.
I just appreciate what I've been given and cannot forget just how vulnerable life really is.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom.
I like that song, too. I don't have cancer, nor have I faced a life-threatening situation, but if I could plan my own funeral, I like Garth Brooks' song, "The Dance."
Cool song! I totally get it. I had a whole binder made up that no one knew about called the If I Die Binder. It had instructions and stuff since I was given weeks to live...thankfully it hasn't been used yet!
Rach
I don't think it's morbid at all. I wish I could listen to the song, but I have no sound at work...when I get home, I'll stop back by.
Thanks as always for your valuable info!
I love that song and I think its perfect. I also think its something all of us should decide on and I dont believe its morbid at all. I applud you for sharing your life with everyone and you probably do not een realise how many lives you touch, change and help. Kudos and best regards to you!
I don't think it's morbid.
Great song!
That's a beautiful song. While I was given a very high cure rate, I still went through the "what if I die" thoughts. I understand what you mean about coming to peace with death. I too found something almost comforting in knowing that I was ok with it all. It was my family that I worried about, so I didn't talk about it very much.
Thank you for giving us a place where it's ok to talk about these things.
If it makes you feel better I'm scared of death, too. : )
The song is great. I heart the Indigo Girls.
At least it's better than what my mom wants (she's alive and well, just full of sassy spunk). She wants a bag-piper. And we're not even Scottish.
I always tell my husband we need to write down what we want when we die -- He want do it -- He don't even want to think about it! Love the song.
Hugs,
It's a very nice song.
I want a song that would make everyone remember that I want them to smile and laugh at my funeral. I chose Man In The Box to be played at my funeral. I wanted to die knowing that I left the world making people smile and laugh one last time.
This is a great post. I'm so glad that you survived and are now inspiring so many others.
I love some Indigo Girls - good Georgia girls there.
Not morbid at all - my ashes are to be spread on my favorite beach. My hubby wants a New Orleans style send off. Life should be celebrated.
Em
I like the song and I admire your strength. I don't think it was a morbid post, just a thoughtful one.
Don't know what I'd pick for a song. It's something to ponder, and hopefully not have to decide for a long time.
That's beautiful! I think we all have those thoughts.
I'd want "I'll Fly Away" by Allyson Krause.
I dont think it is morbid. I havent chosen a song, and honestly Id prefer not to have a funeral at all. I want my husband and children to do whatever makes them feel better. My husband however has a song he wants played.
Congratulations on making it through, and while I am not a victim of cancer I am terrified of death so I understand you on that one.
((((HUGS))))
I also have a song, Goodbye for now, by Kathy Troccoli.
I pray for your peace & continued good health!
GodSpeed, Daph
My mom went through cancer herself, three times. She has been cancer free for about two years now. Very sad song actually. I was holding back my tears. I can't help to think how grateful I am to God. Thank you for this blog.
I have gone through a similar experience in my life, I had a life-threatening illness that was at first thought to be cancer but was actually something else and I was told I was going to die. That was five years ago and obviously I didn't die but I'm not only cured now but I am SUCH a stronger person because of that experience. As terrifying as it was, I actually feel blessed to have gone through it because it makes me appreciate my life so much more. This is an amazing blog, I'm glad I found it. BTW, I loved the song, great choice.
Found you on SITS! I just wanted to say what an amazingly strong woman you are. I love your blog! I really like that song, too! YOU KICKED CANCER'S ASS! How AWESOME is that!!!! :)
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