THE SILVER LINING TO MY DARK CLOUD

I have mentioned my 3 month surgery a couple times now so I won’t bore you with that again. However, I will re mention that it is a stressful time for me and I dread it. So, in order to make it through I try to create silver linings. The idea that there is just a silver lining is ridiculous and does not work. Sure, I could tell myself, at least I am alive, can walk, use the bathroom on my own but this just doesn’t make me feel better.

So what I do is create my own silver lining. After my exams my mom and I always go to Legal Seafood, eat awesome oysters and drink yummy wine! While I dread my exams I really look forward to oysters and wine, so it makes a really crappy day a lot less crappy. When I start thinking about having to go for the exam I also think about how I will get to eat one of my favorite foods and drink top notch wine.

Another silver lining I create has to do with my very dear friend Jessica (whose last name, coincidentally, use to be Silver). From the start of my fight against cancer Jess and her family have been giving me silver linings. I spent a lot of my original recovery time with them on the Cape and in Rhode Island. It was there that I got to watch her son Eli experience many things for the first time, eat her amazing home cooking, sit on the porch on a beautiful spring evening or spend a day at the beach. I had many things to be sad, angry and confused about but I was often distracted by all the wonderful things I was experiencing because I was sick. At night I would think to myself, “If I didn’t get sick today never would have happened and I loved today”.

This surgery I am going to go stay with Jess and her family on the Cape. I haven’t spent recovery time with them since my March surgery. I am so excited to see how much Eli has grown and to spend some real quality time with one of my closest friends. If I hadn’t have gotten cancer I would only see her once every year at best. Eli would have no idea who I am and spending a weekend on the Cape, forget it.

Create a silver lining of your own! Don’t just try to look at the positive, make some. It’s frustrating and unfair when people tell us to look at all you have, we know what we have and we know what we don’t have. Be fair to yourself and stop expecting to just feel better because you are alive, not gonna happen. Give yourself things to look forward to, to feel good about. I tried it and it works much better than the alternative. Take control of your life and create your own silver linings!